Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
