You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize