I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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