hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
