im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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