Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
