I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
