So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
