evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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