I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
