Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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