Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize