god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
