You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize