Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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