ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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