Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
