Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize