Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
