She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
