Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
