I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
