Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
