i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
