Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
