i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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