Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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