I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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