Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
...so i touched it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
there is puke in my bra ... again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
