i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
