my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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