At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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