Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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