just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
