I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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