Joe is yelling at the trees again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
