the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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