there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
