If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
