Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
