Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
