I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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