Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize