You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
smell my finger.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
