A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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