Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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