The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize