Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
