well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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