So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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