The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
