im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize