Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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