I think my fart just growled at me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
