all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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