i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
