Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
birth control should be required to get into college
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize