mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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