i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
