sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
