But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
