He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
