this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize