Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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