wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
