What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
