wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
