he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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