i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
