Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
