How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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