mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
