The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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