It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
