you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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