So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
