It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
