What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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