No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
