is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
