The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
