I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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