I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I still have a little drunk in my system
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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