Plan B is the new Plan A
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
