If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
